Reflections of a retired Headteacher – 3 months in…
Leaving Headship after two decades was an emotional time. Alongside the sadness and thoughts of change sat immense pride. Pride is not something that we do well as Headteachers, it is often the case that we more easily praise others in our team and celebrate their achievements while overlooking or sometimes belittling our own. But you’re the Headteacher!
Time for new beginnings – my transition was perhaps made easier because I have maintained contact with school leaders in my role as Leadership Coach. A recurring theme in coaching from school leaders this term has been the heavy weight of Headship and how overwhelming the job is. They say ‘heavy is the head that wears the crown’ and I know first-hand that the heaviness can be all-consuming for most of every day, of every week, of every term. Thoughts, plans and replayed conversations go around in your head – they’re never-ending. The need to be ‘switched on’ and in control of everything is expected and relentless; it’s tiring and wearing. Personally, I found it hard not be defined by the job title and, for how well I thought I was doing ‘the work’, to be the only measure of my self-worth.
As Leadership Coach I now seek to support others in their pursuit of work-life balance, although I’m not too sure what that actually means for Headteachers. This much-used phrase means different things to different individuals therefore it is difficult to define in reality.
As I look in at Headship now from the outside and listen carefully to those I coach, it seems to me that it is not about work-life balance but rather well-ness and balance. The job is relentless, we know that, and we experience very ‘high highs’ that can balance out those ‘low lows. Being well and knowing what wellness means for you is the thing to strive for and to create. Our well-being comes from a doing a job we love and doing it well.
Wellness will include paying attention to your own recovery after tough days. It will include knowing what makes you happy (dare I say knowing what brings you deep joy) and being as purposeful about putting dates in your diary for those things as you do for work things – that will bring balance. My mistake was to end up being so busy with being a Headteacher that I let my hobbies go, meaning that all I did was sleep, eat and work, since the work took up a lot of my thinking time as a well as my doing time. I mistook the enjoyment that I had for problem-solving, improvement planning, staff development, pupil progress and developing a harmonious ethos in school for my ‘actual life’ and I let go of balance.
In the reflection time since retirement, I can say I truly did enjoy being a Headteacher and the pride from where I now sit is real. No cynicism, no burnout, no bitterness – I fought hard for that with one of my company values being ‘Joy In Service’. If only I had more regularly internalised the words of Maya Angelou: “My mission is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour and some style.”
Allowing others to help, delegating, being honest about your own capacity and having cheerleaders or a small group of trusted colleagues or friends is so important. It will hugely support well-ness and balance but only if you listen to the advice you’re given and take action. I held myself accountable by meeting regularly with my coach. The very frank occasional word from a friend or family member can also hold up the mirror that is needed. I believe it is as important to have a Well-ness and Balance plan for yourself as a Headteacher as it is to have a School Development Plan, after all you are responsible for the latter – the former will go a long way to helping you clearly focus on it.
A favourite question I pose when coaching is to ask “If your friend came to you with the same worries you have, what would you tell them?” Talk kindly to yourself and give yourself the advice you would give to others. The job you do as Headteacher is so vital, you are doing a great job, take a breath and notice that! Believe now that you have agency over your own well-ness, over what balance looks like for you, over creating what that looks for you and committing to it so that you have longevity in this very special space that you occupy. Every day is chance for a new beginning. As for me…my Well-ness and Balance Plan is two days Leadership Coaching per week (such a privilege and joy), netball, lots of travel abroad and sleeping well.
